the future

i've been thinking about how to approach this and write about this lately, but it wasn't until class today that i had clarity on the matter. for quite some time, my life has always been focused on doing what is necessary to get to the next step in life. in middle school, i was learning to learn the right way because high school was going to be "so hard." in high school, i always had to do my bestest best and get good grades because two lower middle class single parents does not an affordable college experience make. in college, i always had to do my bestest best because everything was for real now - it wasn't just about getting a full-ride to college, it was about getting a good job to support myself and my future family.

for me, once i got that job, i was content to stay with it for that period of time because it provided great benefits and incredible stability for us newlyweds. however, for many people, that first job is just a stepping stone to the next bigger and better job and they work very hard in order to have glowing references and resume fodder. it wasn't that i wasn't looking to the future even then though. since i started both work and seminary right after college, i knew that at some point i would have to move here to ky to finish my m.div. that's just the way my school works. thus, i was always looking ahead to at least this next step, if not even further ahead.

that brings me to what's been on my mind. lately i keep thinking about what's next. i have the less clarity about "what's next" in my life than i've ever had, but i tend to think / dwell / fantasize more than i ever have. that could simply be correlated to the level of uncertainty though. it's not an anxious or worrisome thing - i mainly think about what it will be like to be a pastor and how things may work and things that we could do if we plant a church and how to adapt if we don't plant a church. i also think about whether it will be in ky or around knoxville or around nashville or in north alabama or west tn or even planting a church back in mclean, va. i think about how much episcopal / catholic liturgical stuff i can get away with in a nazarene church and i think about the kind of realizations i've had over the past few years that i want to help others to see. i think about how to add "coffee and candles" to worship services without being pretentious or attempting to be trendy. i think about how busy adults are and how i can help them incorporate a small group to their busy lives since i find a small group setting to usually be more important or at least more impacting than a corporate worship setting. i notice that at this point i've gotten into thinking about worship in general, but it is still in the context of what may happen in my future.

this brings me to my class today. yes, it's on paul's writings, but we looked at a passage in the sermon on the mount as an example for our next assignment. check out these words of jesus: "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - matthew 6:34 (nasb). wow. it's funny how you can sometimes come across scripture that so directly relates to what your heart is dwelling on.

now don't get me wrong. everyone must at least be cognizant of their future lest they sit and stagnate in their current experience forever. however, there is something very special about our current experience. if we never relish in it and pay attention to it, it will pass us by without notice as we continue to make our way to our next stage(s) of life.

so that's it. not that i won't ponder these "next things" any more, but i'm making a conscious decision to focus on each day, each passing minute. i'll worry about... ahem, think about the next step in life when it gets closer, but for now i need to be here for 2-3 more years.

around the superbowl, there was some marino - roethlisberger conversation about living in the moment and soaking up every minute of the experience that surrounds you. i'm in seminary and i feel like the past 3.5 years of it have blitzed by while i continue to just do each assignment that comes to my doorstep and do what it takes to get by. not many people get or take this kind of opportunity. i want to get more out of this than just doing assignments and then receiving a degree. i want to be spiritually formed ever more so in the image of our Creator and i want to come out on the other side able to be a blessing to others ever more so than i was able to when i began this adventure.

happy feast of saint valentine - do something special for someone special today.